Things I’d rather do than watch another YouTube ad for Mike Bloomberg
Run a workshop for seniors on how to open gmail attachments
Not get texts from Mike Bloomberg
Watch the Emoji Movie
Play ‘swallow the leader’ with a cannibal
Attend a five-year-old’s birthday party at House of Air after eating lunch at Cheesecake Factory
Take a Free Personality Test at the Church of Scientology
Be a cookie cake in an office kitchen, slowly and painfully being picked apart, tiny slice by tiny slice to a sad masochistic chorus of Weight Watcher’s regrets
Get a pap smear
Scrape crabgrass out of the cracks in the Pruitt-Igoe parking lot
Search for a set of lost keys in an Ikea showroom
Be a fly on the wall at Kent State’s Hearing Aid Museum
Get listeria from a Shoney’s salad bar